29 Years

Yesterday I celebrated my 29th birthday!  Sometimes I can't believe I am almost 30 years old. Sometimes I wish I wasn't this old. There are certain goals I thought I would obtain by the time I reached that milestone but only one really bothers me.
 

I always thought that I would be finished having kids by the time I was 30. Yet here I am at 29 with zero kids and nothing to show for it but a broken heart. I struggle with infertility on a regular basis. I try not to bother tell people about this particular aspect of my life because it is very personal. In some aspects it makes me feel inferior. I know in my heart there is some reason I have not been blessed with a child, but it does not lessen the pain.

We have been trying to get pregnant for about two and a half years. Some of that time has been spent trying to getting a diagnosis (PCOS), and then another diagnosis (high cholesterol). We started with a natural approach before we knew there was a problem and then progressed to a medical approach. The medical approach did not start out kind to me. The side effects of the first drug, clomid, were enough to scare me off for a while so we tried the natural approach again aided by acupuncture. We have been on a break for the last three months because of the high cholesterol which could be from the PCOS. I don't know what caused what or how to fix it. We are where we are for some specific reason.  It doesn't matter that everything to this point has been unsuccessful. We followed our path. We followed our hearts.

 

Although our journey has been rough I would not change our path no matter the outcome.